Should We Discipline Our Kids by Taking Away Activities?

This is a question I’ve gotten a lot over the years. Should I discipline my kid by taking away their activities? Maybe your child absolutely LOVES to play soccer or do martial arts or play the guitar. Do we take away the privilege of doing these activities as discipline?

So, let’s say your kid has done something wrong. Obviously, they are going to need to be disciplined in some way. We want our kids to learn about consequences because the older they get, the more severe the consequences of their actions will become. So obviously this is the right kind of thinking; they did something wrong and now there needs to be a negative consequence to disincentivize this behavior. However, this negative consequence should not come in the form of a loss of activities.

Why Shouldn’t We Discipline Our Kids This Way?

Well, many activities can benefit our kids. For example, if they are playing soccer or learning martial arts, they are getting off of their electronics and getting a workout. They are working to improve their overall athleticism which can quickly build their confidence. They are engaging with other kids and building their social skills. They might be learning leadership skills or how to be a good team member, the list goes on. The point is, there are benefits they can get from these activities. Yes, if kids do something wrong, there needs to be discipline. They need to learn to not behave that way and why. But we don’t want to take away something that is potentially beneficial for them.

So, How Should I Discipline My Kids, Then?

There’s this concept that sets up a dichotomous relationship between Alive Time and Dead Time that heavily influences my reasoning here. Alive Time is time we spend doing something that strengthens us or helps us grow. Most activities fall under this category. Then we have Dead Time, which is detrimental to personal growth if it is not moderated properly. Dead Time is simply time we use for something other than personal growth. Playing a video game or passively watching TV could be counted as dead time.

Now, sometimes it’s good to have some Dead Time where we are just relaxing and unwinding. However, if it is not done in moderation, it can be detrimental, which is why it is okay to discipline our kids by removing this Dead Time. We can take away their video games, TV time, electronics, social media because these are things that kids LOVE to do but are not necessarily benefitting them.

And to digress a bit: I do realize that there is educational television. In fact, I have a friend who lives in Mexico and he taught himself English by watching MTV during the 90’s. The only problem is, he can only speak to you while singing a Backstreet Boys song.

Anyway, parents, I want you to think about some of the things your kids like the most. Which of those things benefits your child the least? These least beneficial activities are those to consider removing their ability to do when it comes time to discipline them. That way, they get the point and have a negative consequence for their undesired action but are not having their personal growth hindered as a result. At the end of the day, discipline is also about personal growth, so disciplining in a way that works against that growth is counterproductive and, now that you have this information, probably counterintuitive as well.

By Jason Purcell

Co-owner / Head Instructor at Family Black Belt Academy